What is Child Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse occurs any time an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation. 

This can include:-

• “non-touching behaviors,” such as showing pornography to a child, 
• exposing genitals to a child, 
• watching children undress or 
• watching children use the bathroom (with or without their knowledge), or 
• directing children to engage in sexual behavior with one another

• It also includes “touching behaviors,” such as touching a child’s genitals, 
• having a child touch an adult’s genitals, or 
• any type of penetration.

Most children are abused by 
someone they know and trust!

Approximately 30% of abusers are relatives of the child, most often brothers, fathers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as 'friends' of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases.

False allegations of sexual abuse are extremely rare. Research indicates that approximately two percent of sexual abuse reports made by children are false. A child cannot explicitly depict the details of sexual acts performed on him or her unless the child has experienced or witnessed it.

Sexual abuse of children has long term psychological effects. These effects include low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, fear, hostility, chronic tension, eating disorders, sexual dysfunction, self-mutilation, post traumatic stress disorder, dissociation, multiple personality disorder, repeat victimization, substance abuse and prostitution.

Experiencing child sexual abuse is strongly linked to suicide. Independent of psychopathology and other known risk factors, child sexual abuse accounts for 9–20 percent of suicide attempts in adults.

Pedophilia is an addiction. Most abusers will abuse many children, and cannot just decide to stop abusing without receiving treatment. Pedophilia is often viewed like alcoholism or other addictions- the addicts cannot be “rehabilitated” but can learn to resist the temptation. Without treatment from professionals trained in treating sex offenders, the abusers will generally continue to abuse as long as they have access to children.

Adults can often protect children by being informed about warning signs of abusers and trusting their intuition when something makes them uncomfortable. It is important to note that some abusers seem entirely appropriate and “normal.”

That said, the following behaviors are cause for concern:

• Someone insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention
• Someone makes sexual references or tells sexual or suggestive jokes with children present
• Someone spends excessive time emailing, text messaging or calling children or youth
• Someone seems “too good to be true,” for example, baby sits for free; takes children on special outings alone; buys children gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason

People who sexually abuse children 
rely on our confusion and on our reluctance 
to acknowledge discomfort.

Our silence creates an environment that is safe for child abusers and dangerous for children. 
Dealing with sexual abuse “quietly” or secretively is unwittingly cooperating with abusers and allowing them to continue their abuse. 
Speaking out exposes the abuser and helps to prevent them from claiming more victims. 
It also sends a clear message to other abusers, that they cannot depend on our silence to protect them.

Magen, the new Bet Shemesh Child Protection Organization, in Israel provides the following services:

1. Awareness and Education
2. Information Hotline
3. Support for victims and their families
4. Responding to perpetrators in our community

Please contact Magen at magenprotects@gmail.com
Magen- Protecting Children and Families

Talking with Your Child about Touching and Sexual Abuse

If you think your child may have been sexually abused:-

• Listen to your child. Your child may feel scared, embarrassed or fear that the abuse was his or her fault. The abuser may have threatened to hurt you if the child tells. Reassure your child that he or she is safe with you and that telling the truth is the right thing to do.
• Make sure your child knows that you are not mad at him or her. You may be mad about what has happened, but your child needs to feel your support.
• Report the abuse. Sexual abuse almost always continues unless someone steps in to stop it. Even if it is someone in the family or at school or in your religous institution, you need to report it. If you need help to do this, call the child abuse hotline in your area

Talk to your child

Give your child the facts about keeping their bodies safe. Even small children need to know. Children who know the facts about sexual abuse will know that it is wrong for someone to touch them in a sexual way. This helps them stay safe when you are not around. What you need to tell your child Safety is a lesson that starts when your children are young. Little by little, children learn to cross the street, to stay away from poisons or what to do if there is a fire. Learning about different kinds of touching is an important safety lesson, too.

• Safe touches - These are touches that are safe and good, such as holding hands during a game or hugs and kisses by a parent or grandparent.
• Unsafe touches - These are touches that are unsafe and bad, such as hitting, kicking or other touching that hurts your body.
• Confusing touches - These are touches that might feel good or not hurt. Children sometimes are not sure if this type of touching is safe or not. An example of this is a babysitter or a coach wanting to shower and scrub with a child or student under their care.
• Sexual touch - This includes the child being asked, forced or tricked into touching the adult’s sex organs in any way or the adult touching the child’s private parts or body in a sexual way.

"Your child needs to know that they have the right to keep their bodies private."

Sexual touches can also be confusing touches. Tell them about sexual abuse. Your child needs to know that they have the right to keep their bodies private. This means they have the right to not be tricked or forced into having any type of sexual contact with anyone. This can be confusing for a child. 

Sometimes parents or others encourage children to hug or kiss another grownup. An example of this is a parent saying, “Don’t hurt Aunt Sophie’s feelings. Kiss her goodbye.” Children need to know that they can say “no” when they don’t want to be touched.

Make sure your child knows to tell anyone that touches them in a bad or confusing way to stop. Children should also know to tell a grownup they trust if anyone tries to trick or force them to have sexual contact. Let your child know that it is always OK to tell you anything about sexual abuse or bad touches. Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, children need to know that you will always listen to them. And, while children do make up stories at times, children rarely lie about sexual abuse.

When you talk to your child:

• Try to use real names for body parts, such as penis or breast, instead of slang words.
• Don’t try to scare your children. Be sure they know about good touching as well as bad touching.
• Be open to questions from your children. If you don’t know the answer, find out the answer and let them know.
• Help your child think of people they can trust and go to if they need help. This could include parents, friends, family friends, church leaders and teachers

Tricking or forcing a child to have sex or sexual contact is child sexual abuse. 

Most sexually abused children are abused by someone they know. This can be a family friend, baby sitter or relative. Adults who sexually abuse children often do so in a way that makes the child think it was his or her fault. A person who sexually abuses children needs outside help. Reporting that person is the first step to getting that help. 

Grooming - How perpetrators prepare children for abuse.

Recently, people in our community have started becoming more aware of the issue of sexual abuse in schools. While this is very important, it is also important to know that most sexual abuse comes from a family member (such as a cousin or uncle), or a family friend or acquaintance, (such as a neighbor or a classmate’s father). 

Because sexual abuse is a crime of manipulation and intimacy, the “Stranger Dangers” we teach our children don’t apply. Pedophiles know their victims. Slowly and methodically, over time, they develop the child’s trust, and the parents’ trust too. 

This process is called “grooming” the victim, and creates a relationship where the child is more likely to comply with the abuse. And when the opportunity arises, such as when the pedophile is alone with the child, he doesn't hesitate. 

It is deeply disturbing to think about anyone we know in this light, and easier not to think about the issue of sexual abuse at all. Unfortunately, it is a reality, and we must be aware in order to keep our children safe. 

It is impossible to prevent all abuse, but the following is a list of common warning signs: -

• Someone insists on hugging, kissing, tickling, or wrestling with your child, especially if your child isn't enjoying it.
• Someone wants to spend time alone with your child. 
• Someone finds excuses to be alone with your child, such as offering to babysit or to give your child a ride. 
• Someone regularly buys your child gifts, or gives them money for no reason.
• Someone wants to take your child special places, particularly overnight.
• Someone favors one of your children over the others and singles them out for special gifts or time together.
• Someone is scheduled to spend time with or care for your child, and your child protests or is anxious about it.
• Someone seems more interested in spending time with children than adults. 
• Someone allows your child to get away with inappropriate or “adult” activities.

This information announcement is not meant to be alarmist. A person doing something from this list once does not mean that person is a child abuser. If someone does things from this list repeatedly, or their manner with your child makes you uncomfortable in any way, you should speak to your child about it and not allow them to spend time alone with the person.

By Miriam Friedman, MSW

http://www.miriamfriedmanmsw.com/